Wednesday, November 11, 2015

The Ghost in the Mirror

I have had so many different paranormal experiences. I went to Jerome Arizona which is this haunted mining town. We visited the Grand Jerome Hotel on the hill. After spending a few hours there, we drove back to Cottonwood (The town at the bottom of the hill) to our hotel. We were tired it was me and my two other friends. We each went to go to bed in our own room, and my room became really dark. All of the sudden the TV went on like a static channel, my iphone5 went flying across the room, the water went on in the bathroom sink, the water in the shower went on and the curtains to the window flew open at the same time. For some reason I thought I was imaging it. I shut the water off, picked up my iphone, shut off the TV and closed he curtains. I went and woke up my friend and told him what happened. He said he would sleep in the spare bed next to me in my room. The same exact thing ended up happening 2 more times in the room, and he couldn't believe it. He was Spanish, so he started praying in Spanish and it seemed to stopped so we thought we would try to sleep. All night I could hear something or someone walking around my bed. And then it would scream in my ear right as I fell asleep, "HEY!" It happened over and over. I would wake up and scream. Finally around 6 AM, it was like it left and we were able to sleep. But I think it followed me home back to Denver. I think sometimes he still comes around. I have photos of it in the mirror standing behind me in several photos if you want to see them. It almost looks like a skeletal guy wearing a "Jason" mask. Its terrifying.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Real Life Story

So in 2013, my husband was at Walter Reed in Baltimore, when he was scheduled to deploy. He deployed, and in the mean time I went to rent a house in Colorado Springs, because when he was back from deployment, we would be stationed in Fort Carson Colorado. I went house rental shopping and I took my mom. All of my family lived in Denver so I would only be an hour away from them. I stayed with my mom, and on the weekends we would drive to the springs to look for a house. Finally after months of searching I thought I found the perfect house.

It was in an older neighborhood, but I wanted to make sure where ever I moved I would feel safe until my husband came home from Afghanistan. I signed the lease for us, 30 days before my husband returned from Afghanistan. Which meant I would be spending a month alone in the house, an hour away from any family, with no friends or anything near by. I felt safer because we had three dogs. Small dogs, but still I wasn’t alone.

He had Army friends at Fort Carson, that were getting ready to deploy, but they drove to Denver to help me move all of our stuff since I was alone. My mom didn’t like that I didn’t know anyone near by but I assured her I was fine so she headed back to Denver that night. It was my first night in the house. I was alone and everything was still in boxes. I didn’t even have my bed set up. I decided to set up some dog beds for the pups and I would sleep on the couch. I had just gotten the animals settled and I was dosing off, when it sounded like someone walking upstairs. I listened, and I was nervous thinking someone was in the house. But I was on the main floor where all the entrances to the house were- so I didn’t know how someone would have scooted past me. I still went and checked. Once I hit the stairs, the moving stopped. I walked upstairs. I didn’t see anything. I figured I was tired. Right as I started back down the stairs, I heard movement again. Except this time I realized it was actually coming from the attic. I thought I should check the attic. I didn’t even know we had an attic. I looked up, and there it was, with the pull string dangling down. I went to pull it, and it wouldn’t budge. I didn’t know why. So I grabbed a chair from the dining room and I climbed up to pry it down. Except when I got up to get a closer look I realized it had been super glued shut and there were like 20 nails and screws holding it tightly shut. In all honesty, I was too tired to deal with it, so I walked away and tried to go to sleep. I was so tired from moving I couldn’t deal with it. The dogs heard the walking all night and just barked. Finally I turned the radio on for noise to drown out the sound and the dogs quit barking so that I could sleep.

The next day I was trying to forget about what happened. So I just focused on unpacking and getting the house ready for when my husband Blake came home. For a few weeks after that night nothing happened. I thought I really had been tired and I was imagining things. But the week before I was supposed to fly to Baltimore to met Blake for his homecoming, things changed. Every single night I would get into bed and I would hear walking start above me. I had no way to get into the attic. A few days before I left for Baltimore, I decided to Google our address so see what I could find. For hours I sat at the computer, and finally I ran across some haunted local website. It was a website for locals that posted about haunted rental properties and warning others to not live there. Our address said, “Severely haunted, do not move in.” I started doing more research, and realized we live right in between a cemetery (just a few blocks over) and on the other side was a huge lake. The only way I can explain what it sounded like was for traffic people moving back and forth between the attic walls. I learned that moving water is like a battery for EMF levels for Ghosts to manifest. I tried to tell my husband on the phone, he sort of blew me off because he was struggling really bad with PTSD. I decided not to tell him any more about it because I didn’t want him to get paranoid.

I flew to Baltimore, and we drove his truck back across the states to Colorado. It took us a week. We left the dogs with my mom. We decided to not bring them to our house for about a week until Blake got back onto a normal schedule. The week we were home alone, the walking would only start at 3 am. I would have to wake up Blake up in the middle for the night. He heard it, and he would start screaming, “Whoever you are get out of my house.” And then it would stop. This would occur about every other night. After a few months, we got used to the sounds. We kind of figured, they weren't bothering us, so we left it go. We started sleeping with a fan for white noise so we could sleep.

Months went by, and things had gotten back to normal. Blake had a 24-hour shift once a month at the barracks on base. I hated those nights because I was home alone in the house. This one particular night I was in bed, and he called me at about 1 AM. If you don’t know what barracks look like, they are old and run down, and usually haunted themselves. They are sort of cold and desolate. Blake said, “The weirdest thing just happened to me, I was sitting here with Bergan (He was an E-4 specialist, my husband was an E-5 Sargent), and all of the sudden the elevator doors opened and they wouldn’t close. So I went to look inside to see if it was broken and all of the sudden I look on the floor and there is a Ouija board. It has three burn holes through it, and three stabs on it, and the knife is still in the board.”

He asked me, “Should I bring it home?”
I said, “No, I don’t have a good feeling about it, throw it away.”
For some reason I couldn’t sleep very well after he called but I must have dosed off. He came home at 9:00 Am the next day. I was siting on the couch drinking coffee and trying to wake up. But I asked him how his night was. I kind of forgot he even called me.

He said, ”I brought the Ouija board home, because I wanted you to see it. But now I’m thinking that wasn’t such a good idea. “
I said, “What do you mean?”
He said, “Well I brought it home to show you because I was in such disbelief of what happened, about the elevator and how the board looked when I walked inside the elevator. I just wanted you to see it so you could tell me I wasn’t crazy and It was real. But I loaded it into the trunk of the car, and I almost got into 3 accidents on the way home.”

I picked up the board and looked at it. And for some reason when I held it, it felt hot and it made my stomach sick. It looked satanic- and I mean I don’t know how I knew that I just did. I have never seen anything satanic in my life.
I said, ”Get it out of here, there’s something wrong with that board.”

He walked outside to the barn woodshop. He just dropped it on the side of exterior of the building hidden.
He walked back in and I asked him, “Did you get rid of it?” Thinking he put it in the trash or threw it away.
He said, “Ya it’s gone.”

From that moment on, that's when all hell broke loose.

He went to bed for the rest of the day to get sleep, and I just wasn’t feeling good about what had happened to him.

The next few days he started getting these really bad nightmares. I thought maybe he was having problems with his PTSD. It was like clock work, 3AM he would wake up screaming and flinging his arms all over the place. I would have to physically sit on him and try to wake him up to stop telling him he was safe. He would wake up, cry, and then go back to bed immediately most nights.

One night it was different though. The house was so cold. It was winter, but I had turned the heat up so high and it still felt cold. I went to the basement in the middle of the night to check the heater to make sure it was working. It was fine, so I walked back into the bedroom. I lay down on the bed, and I felt Blake moving he had been asleep for a few hours so I figured he was in a deep sleep. I thought I felt him wake up and shift to my side of the bed but it was dark and I wasn’t going to look over because I was comfortable. All of the sudden out of no where, Blake is on top of me and he is making some terrible growling sound and it sounds like he is talking but I can’t understand what he is saying, but out of nowhere he has his hands around my neck and he is choking me. It was weird it was like his hands where around my neck but there was no pressure but I was terrified. After a few seconds of realizing he wasn’t joking I was waiting to die. I didn’t know what was happening. My husband was never a violent man; he had a hard time killing spiders. He was a medic- so he saved lives, he didn’t kill people.

All I could do was pray. I stared first praying in my head, and then I began praying out loud. I prayed to god, Jesus and saint Michael. Looking back now, it was almost like it sounded as if Blake was arguing with someone else- except the person he was arguing with was also inside of him. He had two separate voices coming out; his voice and another voice. 
I was still praying. I said out loud, ”I am baptized in the name of the lord, and am a child of god, and the blood of Jesus runs through my veins.” Understand I am not a religious person- I don’t know where I learned to say all of that. I just did. Then as I said that he released, and it was like Blake woke up.

He started crying. He thought it was a dream, he had no idea it was actually happening in real time. He looked at me and said, “Tomorrow I am going to get help for my PTSD.” We really thought it was all related to how hard his deployment was as a medic.

I called my mom and I told her what happened. She said she wanted to come down to see for herself if anything happened. I made dinner and we had wine. We all were holding wine glasses about halfway full when at the same time as we were holding them they all like blew up in our hands. For a few seconds we just sat there and stared at each other in disbelief of what had happened. My mom just said she couldn’t believe that over and over again.

I started having nightmares about being raped. Things progressed in the house. I was depressed; Blake and I were fighting. We were even talking about divorce. Finally we asked the landlords about the house. They denied ever having anything paranormal happen. Activity just kept getting worse and worse. We asked if we could break the lease, they said they would sue us if we broke the lease. Then Blake was facing lots of surgeries because his health from deployment wasn’t good. The Army notified us he was going to be honorably discharged. I know it sounds means but I was happy. I knew I would have the paperwork to get us out of the lease legally. We had lived there for 9 long months. We moved out in a matter of two weeks. Our last night there was the worse.

Blake left for work at about 4:30 AM. Activity would start when he left until about 8 AM. We were seriously getting maybe two hours of sleep a night. The nightmares for both of us were continuing. He was getting therapy for PTSD. And one morning after he left I heard someone walk up the stairs into our room. I was in that sleep paralysis state. All of the sudden, I Was outside of my body trying to clap at my face to wake me up. I was confused. I don’t know why I couldn’t wake up, or why I was looking at myself from the outside. I did research. Found hundreds of other people haunted by something called a Succubus (Female) or an Incubus (Male), which are demons, those seduce/rape humans. I know it happened. I swear it.

We had one day left in the house, and we decided to do an EVP session. We had all kinds of terrible things happen. By the time morning hit, I was ready to go. We packed the Uhaul. I made one final sweep before we left the property. I did an interior sweep, then an exterior sweep. I went out by the barn, and something was on the floor. I approached it and started freaking out. Later Blake told me he didn’t know why he didn’t destroy it or throw it away. But there was the Ouija board.

I couldn’t leave it sitting there. I didn’t want anyone else to go through what we did. So I told Blake I would met him in Denver. On my way out of town, I drove to a Wells Fargo, and threw the Ouija Board in the dumpster.

After we moved, we never experienced any other paranormal activity in our new house. I don’t know how our old house is now, and I hope no one ever found that Ouija board and pulled it out of that dumpster.

The nightmares stopped, for both of us. And I never had any other contact with an Incubus. Ever.

Its weird you know. This stuff is what nightmares are made up of. This is one of the worst experiences I have ever had with the other side.

Saturday, August 15, 2015

UFOs, Men in Black and Beyond

I was approached by a group on UFO hunters today, asking me to join them in the quest for alien life. My answer without hesitation was NO. lol. And they wanted me to tell them why.

So rather than telling my story twice, I thought that makes for the perfect blog!

This is something I rarely share. But I have my own theories and thought it would be a great story for most of my followers.

It all started when I was 19. I had this great friend we will call "Sean." (Pronounced Shawn) He and I had gone to a few semesters of college together, until he finally decided he hated school. College was almost too easy for him. His intelligence was through the roof. Sean went off to basic training, and blah blah blah. Years later he was trained and became a flight pilot. He mainly flew an SR-71. In which I now understand it is a classified aircraft.

Irregardless, Sean would sill take his GoPros and other cameras and take photos and video footage of some unbelievable things. His inspiration came from Tom Delonge of Blink 182. If you are not familiar with Tom, he is the guitarist for this punk rock band and he is obsessed with Alien life. Sean even took it as far as talking or speaking like Tom from the "west coast." Sean was educating me about alien life, and all the shit he had seen in the aircraft. It honestly scared me. But Sean seemed knowledgeable. He even went as far as telling me about the "safe" vs. "Dangerous" alien life forms, and which ones to run from if I saw. It kind of started exploding my mind. Because on one side, I had always believed there had to be life outside of this planet- and on the other side I wanted nothing to do with it.

Sean some how went to a paranormal seminar and met Tom, it was like his ultimate idol! He told Tom about all of the things he had experienced, and Tom encouraged him to make a YouTube pages with Photos and videos, because the human race deserved to know the truth. And because Tom was such a believer- he thought Sean was great since he was flying a classified aircraft and could get up close and personal with aliens.

Sean came home and called me. He said he was going to publicize all of the footage he had taken. I asked him he if thought it was a good idea- I mean I have heard of bad things happening to people after they come forward with something compelling, and Sean had hundreds of videos.

Within a few days, Sean had the channel up and running and it went viral. Except within three business days of the footage going viral, he would be getting a not so nice visit from some strange people he had never known before.

I will admit, I saw most of the footage he had. For a long time I had them saved. They gave me the hibie jibies. Its things that nightmares are made out of. I accidentally deleted an old yahoo email address I had for years- and it automatically deleted all of Seans videos.

But I will never forget what I saw.

I get this phone call from Sean. He is panicked.  He;s breathing really heavy and I can't really understand him over the phone. He now was stationed in an Air Force base near San Antonio Texas.

"Sean, whats wrong."

"Your the only one that understands, your the only on that believes me." (He sounded like hes practically crying.)

"What do you mean Sean? Believe what?"

"Believe my videos, believe in what I do."

"Of course I believe you, your in your plane and I can tell your practically outside of the atmosphere- no one can fake footage like that. Not everyone can fly a plane like that."

"They just showed up. They know all about me. I think they are watching me. They said they will make me disappear..."

Sean had no family. He was an only child, and his parents were more interested in their own life than their sons. I was one of his only close friends.

"Who is going to make you disappear Sean? What are you talking about?"

"This is going to sound crazy but I think they are the Men in Black that were just at my house. They weren't human, I just could see it in their eyes. They said if I don't stop posting videos and remove my YouTube page they will make me disappear."

After a few days he had calmed down, but still had super paranoia that they were somewhere camped outside his house watching him. I didn't know what to believe anymore. But suddenly this gave him some sort of fire to take more videos and keep posting footage.

He called me one day and told me he had talked to someone in a higher rank than him about what had happened. I think it was a CMSgt. He basically told Sean that "we all know they are out there, we all have had our encounters- especially in the air-force- But you don't publicize that shit."

Sean went home and called me. He said he couldn't take the footage down because Tom was his inspiration. I said, "I hope your making the right decision."

Over the next month he is getting more paranoid. But still refusing to remove the items from the internet.

Within the month, Sean stopped answering his phone calls. His phone was then disconnected.  His facebook page disappeared. His email would send me back error messages, and the YouTube was gone including all of his other social media.

Now this was about four years ago when he disappeared. But I will say that he has never popped back up. every once and a while I will google his name, or search for him on Facebook. But I never find him. I sent him mail to his house- it came back with address unknown. He even had an arrest record that has since disappeared. He parents think he's dead. They have accepted it and moved on. No one knowns what happened to him.

I told Blake about all of this, since he was in the Army for over six years. And this is our theory on it.

At first I thought maybe he was killed or shunned for exposing the videos to the public. But know, I don't think that is the case. Sean was highly intelligent. He was a pilot of a SR-71 which takes photos of enemy territory. All that comes from that aircraft is classified. In fact it is nicknamed a "Blackbird." Because no one can see it in the sky.

I truly believe Sean is still alive. I think he is out in this world somewhere working for some high intelligence military base that no one knows about. I think he could be even reading this right now. And if you are Sean- I never forgot about you, I miss your friendship but I know you have some important shit you love doing in your corner. I hope life is fulfilled with all the things that you love even aliens.  I miss you and the way you left my life scared the shit out of me, but. I understand.

And that is why I believe in Aliens. I believe in the "Men in Black, " and I believe there is some shit out there we don't know, we are not supposed to know...
And no I do not want to fucking investigate it lol.


Friday, August 14, 2015

Times are a changing

I have been wanting to blog but time has been getting away from me. This is more of a personal blog, with a hint of paranormal.

As everyone knows I own a production company. Being a resident located in Denver, it has hurt my pocket book having t constantly fly back and forth between here to LA. So the time has finally come to call California home. A lot of things contributed to this decision.

Colorado has been recently made fun of in the media. Being considered the "weed" state. As it may be beneficial for some people I am one that is totally completely against drug use. It actually directly effected me growing up. My aunt died of alcoholism, and her kids (my cousins) have had years struggling with intense drug addiction. Most of my cousins are so addicted to drugs they have lost their children in the system. Since growing up with that, I hated drugs and alcohol. I have never tried a drug in my life. In fact I believe now; I have officially grown out of Colorado.

I tend to be judgmental when it comes to drugs, and abusers. I have just always lived a healthy, sober life. And I have seen what drugs and addiction can do by splitting a family completely apart. I have witnessed all of the influx of people moving into Colorado. In fact in recent months the crime has increased in Denver, and so has the rates of suicide. The positive side of this for the state of Colorado- is that they have a huge tax break on the drugs, and most of the highways and national parks are in perfect condition thanks to the 30% rate on tax for legal purchase of drugs.

I am not here to debate if its good or not- I am here to say I am leaving because it does not fit my lifestyle and the way I choose to live. Most other states that have legalized it have many strict rules- more than Colorado. So although I assume I will face this problem nationwide, I doubt it will be as free for all as Colorado has been.

This happens to be a perfect time. The business is booming, and so is the paranormal so this is my que for an exit.

I will have a home in California- Brentwood. And I will also have an office outside of Vegas. Luckily it is only hours from each other.

I am fairly estranged from my family- or at least my distant family like cousins etc. My intermediate family has passed other than my mother. I am estranged from them once again due to the drug use. I chose many years ago to not associate myself with alcoholics and drug users. So I will be packing up my things with my mother and Blake and starting a fabulous new life in  the perfect place.

I have been to California a million times, so I am not scared I am thrilled. As one last fairwell to Colorado, Blake and I plan to visit the Stanley Hotel for an investigation. But life is awaiting us, and its time to move into the next chapter.

Sunday, July 26, 2015

New Case-

The time after all of these years has finally come, that I have been working on a case in which I cannot help the family. Which eternally breaks my heart having to walk away from someone that really really needs me.

So the time has come to expand my brain and begin learning. First of all, I am so excited to re start the semester because I will soon be finally finishing my Bachelors degree in English. Since I am such an avid writer I think I want to go back to school for my Masters in possibly Journalism or Creative writing.

So ready for the big reveal?

Years ago, I spoke with an old friend named Cali. I told her that I wanted to study Demonology. She kind of steered me away from it because she said I would be quote, "dipping my toe in the demonic pool." For years I shied away from learning about it because that comment kind of scared me off.

In the Paranormal first and foremost that you must be very cautious with anyone who claims to be a "demonologist" or even a medium. I am not claiming any of these titles. However, I am no longer afraid of dark cases.

I met this woman who is having some extreme things happening in her home. I knew it was bad. Like really bad. So I decided to turn down the case. I cannot drag my team into something that I am not fully educated on. Then all of the sudden I realized, how can an investigator ever find out if what you are dealing with is "dark, demonic, or inhuman?" You don't know. You never know what you are dealing with, until you investigate.

Except I really have to be honest and say that with this case- and because I do have abilities I really do feel like it was terrible what was happening inside of her house. And possibly a demonic case. And it would have been irresponsible for me to enter the home unprepared and possibly dangerous for everyone involved if I wouldn't have dealt with it carefully and correctly.

But then my next concern is OMG I feel so bad for this family- and I have no one to really call to step in and help them. I feel bad for the family, the animals. I thought never again- can I just step aside and watch this happen. This will be the only time. And I can't help this one- I was just unprepared.

So the studying has begun. I already seem to have a strong background in religion. That isn't something I talk about publicly, but I know strengthening that will also be apart of this journey too.

I do not know what I am getting into, all I know is that it feels right. I also want you to know that because I am studying this, does not mean I am "dipping my toe into the demon pool." This is me wanting to help people. I am of the light. I am a beacon in the night. But I need to better prepare myself and my crew for times like this. SO that the next time someone comes to me for help- no matter what it is....I will not have to turn them away. This part of my paranormal career may take some time. It make even take years. But the time is now to start.


Thursday, July 23, 2015

Check my credentials- I know what I'm talking about

So I became aware of something that I forgot existed today. Which is a little something called "haters."

If anyone has had an over abundance of haters it is me.

Why don't we start with the three girls that held me down in high school and stabbed me with a pencil. 
Or what about the time that I was featured on "The Soup" or "E! Entertainment" because they took a clip from my episode of Paranormal Challenge that was a shot of me talking about feeling the energy- they decided to take the clip, re write it and feature it with a voice over about my "flatulence" and not eating Taco Bell before an investigation.

If there has been someone in this world that has been chewed up and spit out alive, its me. So by now I have no problem putting people in their place and setting them straight. Especially when it comes to the paranormal. A previous blog I wrote about "demons" had been featured nationally by many people because I was sick of seeing all of these paranormal shows, and the first thing out of their mouth is, "its a demon..." PLEASE!  No it isn't always a demon!

Anyway. If someone is spurting outladish information, when clearly they are ignorant or uneducated on the topic of paranormal of course I am going to call their bluff. I have been doing this for too many damn years professionally. And if there is anyone that has tough alligator skin- its me. 

Today I ran into a stranger. We had a confrontation. His response to my educated answer was "Wow you are exactly how everyone describes you." Well of course I asked him, "How exactly people describe me..." And he didn't have an answer. BUT I CAN SURE GIVE YOU ONE ABOUT MYSELF.

If you have heard that I am outspoken... YOUR RIGHT
If you have heard I am not afraid to speak my mind... YOUR RIGHT
and last but not least if you have heard that I don't take shit from people... DING! Your right on that too.

I have bigger fish to fry. I do not care what people think of me, but if you are in my presence and I have years of paranormal education on you, and you spert out something wrong or stupid... I will correct you. And honestly- I don't care if you like me or not. Join the club. Either side. I will tell you this-

I have many more people like me vs. dislike me. And all of the people that dislike me- only dislike me for a couple of reasons. Either they think I shouldn't be so outspoken and somehow that makes me a bitch- or they are intimidated by me. 

This world is full of people. There are good people in this world, and there are bad people in this world. I choose to live my life to the fullest and I will not be bullied as an adult or be bullied for the things I love like Fashion and the Paranormal. 

The End, I just hope there is someone out there that I can inspire to have an attitude "To ultimately be your full self without regret, and live life un-apologeticlly."

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Post Paranormal Phenomena

So after much spent time with my recently passed friend- he finally has left my home as of last night. Mainly I think he was around for so long because he knows I can communicate with him. I feel like me mourning has passed. I think once you have cried so much- your just can't cry anymore. 

So life must go on.

I meant to write a blog the other day, but time got the best of me. GGD is taking off. This week I have done so much including conducted a book interview (Yes! I will be in a book) and also GGD has a huge announcement for a big future plan. I just can't discuss it right now. But, trust me i will be worth he wait. 

I have been home/house shopping for sometime now. I debate constantly where I want to end up forever. Thats a big decision you know! I mean I would like at least one kid someday. No rush. I still feel like I have plenty of time. I'm not in a rush. I don't want to give up my freedom yet you know. I grew up in Denver (suburbs) I just really have grown to dislike it there. I don't really have any family there anymore (family that I like HA!) And I have this underlying love for LA, and I always have. That is what keeps bringing me back here. Renting is just so expensive. Its almost cheaper to buy, I just am picky about where I live. 

I dream of a older Spanish style house (you know, with the black iron in beautiful patterns on the inside and outside of the house.) I want a pool in the backyard. A large yard is required too because I will forever have animals. I wouldn't even mind having a mother in law house, for friends coming to visit. To be perfectly honest- I love love love Laguna. It would be my ideal living place (maybe when I retire). Except Laguna is too far south from LA. There is people in the Valley that I would preferably- stay away from if you know what I mean. 

I had an old friend tell me I was crazy for wanting to leave Colorado permanently. He said, "We have everything here- why would you go?" My answer is, I am running from he snow! I have always drive fast sports cars (that do terrible in cold snowy weather) and The first time I went to LA... I know I was meant to be in Beverly Hills. 

Everyone is different I guess. That is what makes the world go round. 

In other news I have been asked to collaborate on a clothing line, and cosmetics line. All of that takes time though. Life is good- if I could just get this damn show picked up for a docu reality series. I need to learn how to re write our pitch. Anyone have any pointers?


Saturday, July 4, 2015

When I see you again

So most of you already know me, but recently we have had a jump in likes and followers on social media. Recently most of you have seen me working either on Radio/TV shows regarding makeup, makeup tutorials, or even paranormal. But it all started a few years ago.

I was lucky enough to be cast in 2011 for a paranormal series with Zak Bagans, called Paranormal Challenge. Everything kind of kept spinning since then. It hasn't stopped, and paranormal is still my #1 love. 

I have been really bad about updating this blog, and this is where I started- this is my roots, so I am trying to re-ground myself. Ghost Girl Diaries is still doing an unbelieveable job on social media and I love all of you for your input and messages you send us everyday, if its Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram I read all of them! 

We recently hired a new investigator. I haven't had the best luck with people we have hired. Mostly because they think insta fame, and they are in it for all the wrong reasons. Luckily we have an amazing girl named Kenzie (@GhostGirlKenzie on Twitter, Follow her!) We are still looking for a tech guy. I have flown all over the states trying to get this show signed as a series. It just isn't something that is handed to you. I have also had to learn how to do pitches, and presentations when it comes to me meeting with other executive producers. I have learned so much, and I also figured out that if you own your own business you better know everything, even the things you didn't think you needed to know. Mainly because you want to make sure that people are doing their job right. I am happy to say that I am fairly business savvy. I just keep an open mind and continue to learn. So far my dreams def pay the bills and then some so always follow your heart! Changing Gears for a the rest of this entry:

This is a paranormal blog, but sometimes I talk about things that are close to my heart or recent events I went through. I just lost a really close friend yesterday. So I feel like I need to write him a letter on here. Being a paranormal expert, and a firm believer- I know he is out there somewhere and he will read this in cyber land. His suicide also really opened my eyes to a lot of things in the last 24 hours. So do you mind as my readers listening to a tribute for my friend? It is my writing, which means there isn't any rules. It may not be how you would right a personal letter- but if you have been following me- you know that I make up my own rules. I am honest and raw and real. So here goes. 

To my Dearest Christian J. Ingman.
I sort of don't know where to start. Our history goes so far back. For me, my memory- is remembering seeing this skater kid with long blonde hair we were maybe 12 or 13. It was 7th grade. You tried to have this "cool tuff" personification. For some reason I could see right through you. Honestly like you were full of shit. Maybe thats why we got along so well. We could tell each other how it was- honestly. I remember I was still intimidated to come up to you and talk to you. Finally one day I saw at school you were on crutches. I think you had broken your leg.  You had no one to take you home and it was far- when your limping on crutches. My mom saw you. She had no idea who you were but she insisted we stop to offer you a ride. I was embarrassed. She didn't know how intimidating you were to all of the girls. We took you home and it was weird. You were no nice, and your eyes spoke and you didn't even have to say a word. Looking back now it was like your eyes told a deeper story then you ever would let anyone in. There was an immediate friendship that started to blossom.

All of the sudden I was friends with Christian and everyone wanted to be friends with me. Thats when Milo, and Lindie, and Amber- all got involved. We became this tight nit group of friends that spent every living minute together. Except most of our friends didn't realize you practically lived at my house. Most nights you didn't leave until 10 or later. Luckily your dad really liked me. I remember one time he told me I was the only person he trusted with you because otherwise you would be a hellion. We were innocent kids- but we both know we truly cared about each other underneath it all. You know you might be gone now- but I didn't get to ever tell you about all the times you pissed me off. Like the time you came to Homecoming with me, and you were only interested in all of our friends instead of spending time with me. I was so mad at you- and then Kit started dancing with me and you got so jealous. Then you spilled red punch all over your new white outfit and you were so mad like it was my fault. I hurt your feelings so bad for dancing with another guy you made a pact with Milo to never talk to me again. Your brother Ian picked me up from the dance that night. You had left me alone. Ian stayed with me that night just because I cried about you for hours. I think we were just young, didn't know what love was and we were so immature. Thinking back now its so funny. We were just kids. Such beautiful memories. I mean we dated for like 2-3 years. In middle school/high school time thats like forever.

We lost touch for a few years. I remember you found me on Myspace. You had moved to Oregon for a while, and you had just moved back. Now in our 20's- we thought we could for sure make a relationship out of this. We were back to hanging out every night. I remember days you wouldn't even go to work and you would stay at my house and we would watch movies or cook. It was like having a second youth with you. I think we were both too scared to say we loved each other. I remember asking you if we were friends or a couple. You never answered, you just said you liked things how they were and you didn't want to mess it up.

I kind of got fed up with waiting around for you. I wanted a title (typical girl). I started dating that drummer Joe, do you remember him? Joe had a concert in Denver and you said you wanted to go with me. I asked you if you were sure if you could handle it. You said, ya I mean we aren't together. That was a bad idea, because when you saw me with Joe at his concert you flipped your lid. I remember we got into this huge fight. You ended up walking home from Denver that night. I tried to get you back in the car and you refused. You were terrible at expressing your opinions. Maybe if you would have just talked to me about how you felt I would have waited for you. It was like we could talk about everything and be together for days, but you could never tell me that you loved me. That still pisses me off. In fact I am crying right now. I just think it's only fair that I call you out on your shit, because you always did that to me.

I feel like for years we were on and off. Growing older becoming strictly friends. I was always here for you. I thought that you knew that. But I knew you always felt a bit empty. You know I was one person you couldn't lie to. And even if you didn't tell me the truth, your eyes would.

I don't know why you did it. We both know you always had dark thoughts. I am so sorry you couldn't fight it, and you finally can say you no longer have the world on your shoulders.

So weird- my ipod is on shuffle right now. And "See you again" by Wiz Khalifa. Maybe its you here. I will see you again. Thats my answer to you.

I know you were in my house last night. I couldn't sleep. I knew something was wrong. And when Milo called me today and told me what you had done, I collapsed. In fact I feel bad for Milo, because he was on the phone with me when I lost it. I had so many messages and calls today. All of our friends said when they heard what happened they needed to call me. They said they can't remember you being somewhere without me and vise verse. (See you again is still playing, and I think I won't be able to write until its over).

You are so loved. You weren't alone. My house and doors were always open to you. I tell you what, next life lets not go so in and out of each others life. I talked to your dad today a few times. He is pretty broken. He loves you a lot. I wish you were around right now so I could scream at you for what you have done. I have known you for so many years, I am allowed to be mad at you.

I can't say goodbye. I mean figuratively and literately. I work in the paranormal industry. I have not only done my own work, and been on television for it but I have been a paid producer for this industry. I know this isn't the end, because I have proven it. It's just goodbye for now- which is bullshit. I shouldn't have to say goodbye for now. I should be able to call you tomorrow. But after your energy was in my house last night, I am assuming you will always know how to get a hold of me. And I will always be here. Even if and when you need me on the other-side.

I broke out all of our old music earlier that we used to listen to. Like Limp Bizket, and Korn, Orgy, Eminem, even Blink 182. Every time I hear them, I will think of you.

Look just do me a favor. Don't give everyone such a hard time up in heaven. I know your a spitfire, but you know- I always told you that you get further not playing pranks. You always said, "but thats no fun." I can still hear your laugh. Just don't forget me, k? I'll be at your memorial. Milo and Courtney are supposed to go with me. Milo was pretty upset too.

I won't end this the way letters are supposed to sound when they're over. I don't even know how to end this honestly. Maybe with some lyrics to one of your favorite songs...

Yo, I can't sing but
I feel like singin'
I wanna fuckin' sing
'Cause I'm happy

Yeah, I'm happy
Ha Ha
I got my baby back
Yo, check it out

Some days I sit starin' out the window
Watchin' this world pass me by
Sometimes I think there's nothin' to live for
I almost break down and cry

Sometimes I think I'm crazy
I'm crazy, oh, so crazy
Why am I here, am I just wasting my time?

But when I see my baby
Suddenly I'm not crazy
It all makes sense when I look into her eyes

Sometimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders
Everyone's leanin' on me
'Cause sometimes it feels like the world's almost over
But then she comes back to me

My baby girl [Hailie laughs] keeps gettin' older
I watch her grow up with pride
People make jokes 'cause they don't understand me
They just don't see my real side

I act like shit don't phase me,
Inside it drives me crazy
My insecurities could eat me alive

But when I see my baby
Suddenly I'm not crazy
It all makes sense when I look into her eyes, oh, no.

Sometimes it feels like the world's on my shoulders
Everyone's leanin' on me
'Cause sometimes it feels like the world's almost over
But then she comes back to me

Man, if I could sing, I'd keep singing this song to my daughter
If I could hit the notes, I'd blow something as long as my father
To show her how I feel about her, how proud I am that I got her
God, I'm a daddy, I'm so glad that her mum didn't 
 Now you probably get this picture from my public persona
That I'm a pistol-packing drug-addict who bags on his momma,
But I wanna just take this time out to be perfectly honest
'Cause there's a lot of shit I keep bottled that hurts deep inside o' my soul,
And just know that I grow colder the older I grow
This boulder on my shoulder gets heavy and harder to hold
And this load is like the weight of the world
And I think my neck is breaking.
Should I just give up or try to live up to these expectations?
Now look, I love my daughter more than life in itself,
But I got a wife that's determined to make my life livin' hell
But I handle it well, given the circumstances I'm dealt
So many chances, man, it's too bad, could've had someone else
But the years that I've wasted are nothing to the tears that I've tasted
So here's what I'm facin':
3 felonies, 6 years of probation
I've went to jail for this woman,
I've been to bat for this woman
I've taken bats to people's backs, bent over backwards for this woman
Man, I should've seen it comin', what'd I stick my up in?
Would've ripped the pre-nup up if I'd seen what she was fuckin'
But fuck it, it's over, there's no more reason to cry no more
I got my baby, baby the only lady that I adore, Hailie
So sayonara, try tomorrow, nice to know ya
My baby's travelled back to the arms of her rightful owner
And suddenly it seems that my shoulder blades have just shifted
It's like the greatest gift you can get
The weight has been lifted

Now it don't feel like the world's on my shoulders
Everyone's leanin' on me
'Cause my baby knows that her daddy's a soldier
Nothin' can take her from me

I told you I can't sing.
Oh well, I tried
Hailie, 'member when I said
If you ever need anything, daddy will be right there?
Well guess what?
Daddy's here.
And I ain't goin' nowhere baby
I love you!

I love you Christian. May your mind and body finally Rest in Peace

 It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again

In memory of Christian J. Ingman